Oh, honey, are you gorgeous! You look just like a virgin. Here, I brought you some crackers for your morning sickness.
So, when are you and Danny gonna set a date already?
Oh, you know me. Always a bridal consultant, never a bride.
Well, how 'bout, "Here's a ring. Pick a pattern.
We've been pre-engaged for three years already.
I wanted to do it some place nice.
I've been thinking we should start seeing other people.
Since when you been thinking that?
Were you stringing me along 'cause I'm your best salesgirl?
I can't believe I just wasted three years of an ever dwindling youth on you and this dump.
I could collect unemployment.
your Shades of the Orient Cosmetics representative
I'll do the résumé presenting myself.
As you wish. This oughta be good.
We're never gonna find an actress for this part.
What's she doing on this list?
Relax, darling. You need a Chatzu
Brighton staged another fake suicide.
Best one yet. Spread eagle on the marble with a bit of ketchup trickling from his ears. We've got half the money people in New York coming to our backer's party, and I will not have those children running loose. Not that I don't love them as if they were my very own.
Brighton, you're losing your touch.
New York's ten most eligible widowers?
My condolences, by the way.
Oh, boy, do you have gorgeous chatchkas. Uh, beg, beg your pardon? Oh, you know, your bric-a-brac. Dust collectors. Oh, the Rodin. Yes, well, he was, he was well known for his bronze chachkas. May I see your résumé, please? /Oh yeah sure. Here. Crayon? /Lipstick. Of course. And what a lovely shade. I hate her! Now, Brighton, let's not be hasty. Yeah, I haven't even sung "Climb Every Mountain" yet. Miss Fine, you seem to have listed the Queen Mother as a reference? What? Let me see that. Oh no, that's not the Queen Mother. That's my mother from Queens. Hi, Daddy. /Oh, hello, sweetheart. Maggie. /Hello, Father. Oh boy, are you gorgeous. And look at that hair. You see, now you cannot get color like that from out of a bottle. No way. I'll, I'll be in my room doing my homework. Really lights up a room, doesn't she? You don't need personality when you're an heiress. So, sweetheart, how was therapy today, hmm? Any, any breakthroughs? Doctor Vern and I did some regression. She took me back to my childhood. Must have been a quick trip. Oh, you have no idea how complicated I am. Therapy, huh? It was a lot easier than talking to us directly. All right, that's it, Brighton. Go to your room. All right. Come on, Gracie, let's leave Father alone to hire someone else to take care of his problem children. Oh, you're a bitter little person, aren't you? Oh, we're gonna get along fine. I'm, I'm sorry you had to see that. I'll show you out. What did I do? One smart ass remark from the kid, and I don't get the job? That's not fair. As you can see, I need help here. More help than can be provided by a door-to-door cosmetics girl. Niles? Niles? Oh, for god sakes, I'll get it. Sheffield Residence. No, honey, it's Fran. Give, give me Give me that. It's the nanny agency Maxwell Sheffield here. Thank you. Oh, yeah, right. No. No, Monday is not acceptable. Listen, I need a nanny this weekend. Do you have any experience with children? Are you kidding? I practically raised my sister's two kids when she was suing her chiropodist. There has to be another agency. Oh, please, I come from Flushing. There is nothing these kids can throw at me that I haven't seen before, except maybe their trust funds. All right, you're hired. But on a trial basis. Oh, thank you, Mister Sheffield. Thank you so much. You won't regret it. Somehow, I'm rather sure I will. Niles will show you to your room. Oh, the nanny gets to live here? /Is that a problem? Oh yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna miss being twenty-nine and still living at home with my parents. But if it's best for the kids Twenty-nine. /Don't start with me, Niles. Good morning, everyone. Oh, that Jacuzzi tub really knows how to perk a girl up in the morning. Do you people sleep like that? No. In a rather astounding coincident, I sleep in a pair of pink fuzzy slippers, just like yours. A simple "we dress for breakfast" would suffice. You have to tell me these things, Niles. /I simply assumed. Don't assume anything with me. I'm from Flushing, for god sakes. Oh, I just love a good buffet. It's free, Miss Fine. You're allowed to go back. Oh Oh, where do I sit? The previous nanny sat in the kitchen. Oh, how anti-social. So, kids, what shall we do today? Shall we take a walk in the park or maybe just kick back, hang around the mansion? We have to go somewhere. Father has kicked us out again. Now, Brighton, I didn't kick you out. I merely asked that you not torment the caterers while they're preparing for this evening's soiree. Oh, a soiree, huh? Well, I got a sister who's a caterer. She does a pork au depurno, that's French for pork and prune, not only delicious, but a natural digestive. Thank you for sharing that, Miss Fine. I could get you a deal. No, that's all right. C. C. 's made all the arrangements. C. C. ? What's a C. C. ? Father's lady friend. Maggie dear, she's a business associate.
You know, shikzas are notorious for not ordering enough food. Booze, yes, but food they don't know from.
Shikza Is that like a chatchka?
Middle child syndrome.
A little repressed though.
But what a head of hair. /And it's all his.
Oh, that's the butler, Niles.
Are these dummies anatomically correct?
You turn fourteen and boom, you've got the savoir-faire and sophistication of a woman of my years and experience?
Go try it on.
Who knew this job would be so demanding?
The food is exquisite. The music divine. And the guests obscenely wealthy.
Miss Fine would like a word with you, sir.
Oh, there's that rapier wit we've come to count on.
Oh, Miss Fine, you play dirty.
Loehmann's, seventy percent off.
She'll never shop retail again.
Oh, isn't that sweet? Couldn't you just drop dead? I don't know. Could you?
You might want to keep a low profile. You're a little out of your element here.
Oh, don't worry about me. I've been to my share of affairs. My Uncle Jack threw a weekend bar mitzvah with a Star Trek theme that they're still talking about.
Well, do I count four zeros on this check?
All right, I'll admit it. Having the children here this evening wasn't the complete disaster it might have been. Oh, Mister Sheffield, you gush.
That, that boy was mauling her on the balcony.
It's appalling.
you dolled her up and turned her into a/A young woman.
And unless you're gonna dip her in bronze and stick her on the shelf with the rest of your collectibles, she is going to grow up and somebody's gotta help her.
You are way out of line.
Thank you for your candor and concern.
No, you fired me. That way I could collect unemployment.
I thought you might be a bit peckish. I over-reacted, didn't I? Like Reagan in Grenada.
I believe Miss Fine calls it a light nosh.
you need a mallowmar? Oh no, Ma. Food's not the answer to everything. Meanwhile, your father and I have based our entire relationship around food. Passion goes, sex goes. Communication, we never had. But food is forever. /Okay. Morty You want another mallowmar? Morty? Ma, Daddy can't hear you. He's watching the game. Why can't I find a guy like him? Deaf and on a pension. You will. I'll get it. I'll get it Oh god, Ma, it's Mister Sheffield. I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss Fine. I just wanted to drop off the rest of your things. You could never disturb anyone, darling. I'm Fran's mother, Sylvia. Maxwell Sheffield. Come on in. I'll make you some Ovaltine. Oh, well, I'm sure I'd love some, but I really can't stay. There's a mob surrounding the limousine. Oh, I'll take care of that. Wait a minute here. Get away from that limo! Nobody died! There's no vacancies! Oh, it's, it's dog eat dog when you got a two bedroom that's rent control. Have a seat. Here, wait. Put on some blush. Ma, can we have a little privacy? All right, I can take a hint. Mister Sheffield, enchante. You have plastic on your furniture. Yeah, they're preserving it for the afterlife. How's Maggie? Well, she isn't speaking to me, but Brighton tells me she's fine. Brighton? Yes. He's been surprisingly attentive to her. Wouldn't tell me why. Kept saying something about me getting old and where I'd live. Kids. I'm sorry things didn't work out. Oh, look, I mean, uh, you and I, we come from very different worlds. I mean, if I were you and I hired me, I'd be thrilled. Who's kidding who? Yes, but you're not me. As a matter of fact, you're not like anyone else I've ever met. Which is not altogether a bad thing. Necessarily. Perhaps if we tried to respect each other's differences, we could give it another go? Are you asking me to come back? So it seems. So what you're really saying is you feel terrible about this whole damn thing, and if you could, you'd get down on your hands and knees and apologize. Miss Fine! /Apology accepted. Ma, pack my things! He wants me back! Smile.
102
so I just want her to drop dead.
How thoughtful.
Allow me.
You pose.
I'm dropping dead.
Mission accomplished.
Do I get a stub?
No.
And you don't have to tip him either.
Oy, she's got no class.
Come on, Val, move.
Oy, this place is like the Taj Mahal.
Only with more bathrooms.
You never have to wait.
How come I'm still stuck in Flushing and you're living like Jackie O?
Jackie O is two doors down.
And, you know, she's very concerned about John-John.
You heard he quit the D.A. job, huh?
Oh, yeah. And now he ran off to California with that blonde fish.
Honey, it's all in how you raise them.
With mine, I got no complaints.
You've been their nanny for two weeks.
And I've worked wonders with them.
You know, you're gonna get pimples, too, some day, if you ever grow up!
The gravitational force is sucking me in!
I'm giving it all she's got, Captain.
I cannot break away.
I guess I'm just bad to the bone.
they're all taken.
The kid had a smoker's cough in the fourth grade.
either nostril.
Remember when he would light a match off his zipper?
R.J. Reynolds 菸商
Oh, I should have nabbed him right out of reform school.從矯正所出來就該抓住他的
facial臉部按摩
zit青春痘
I dread puberty. I have combination skin.
Here's where having me for a nanny comes in handy.
You kids know that I'm a graduate of the Ultissima Beauty Institute.
Four times Dean's list.
And yet she's so accessible.
Orange rinds.橘子皮
aroma therapy芳香療法
Let's not be paranoid.
We need drinks.
And keep them coming.
I take it, sir, the composer meetings aren't going well.
Why isn't there any new talent in this town?
The man in my office is positively ancient.
He's not composing, he's decomposing.
I got something that'll cheer you up.
Sounds splendid. By all means, take the children. Have a wonderful time.
Why do I feel a 'but' coming on?
No but. However, a carnival would be a good way
for you to spend some time with your kids.
And time is so fleeting at this age.
While I appreciate the skill and subtlety of your guilt mongering, I am opening a musical in eight weeks. Otherwise I'd love to go.
Well, he's got my vote for father of the year.
How else can we afford the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed?
So I flunked facials.
Why does everyone assume the worst of me?
It saves time.
vulnerable
a piece of scrap paper
Honey, I am so far ahead of you, we're in different time zones.
Headmaster
I was holding it for a friend.
It takes the idiots that start that filthy habit years to quit.
I still haven't knocked off all the weight.
But he'll ship me off to military school.
And can our country really afford that?
Come to think of it.
Are you trying to blackmail me?
Let's just say, if I'm going down, you're going down with me.
Edward G. Robinson
You think I'm gonna be intimidated by somebody that could walk under a coffee table?
Just when I figured out the bidet is not a water fountain.
I gotta learn to deal with my problems without a crutch.
What's to eat?
What was I thinking telling a story like that to a ten year old kid?
On the other hand, if I told him to jump off the Empire State Building
Hello.
That was my mother's voice
that just crossed the Queensboro Bridge
and flew out my mouth.
But with such dulcet tones.
Oh boy, this is so typical of kids.
You try and you try and what do you get? A slap in the face.
Niles, call an exorcist.
discipline reports
Carpal-Tunnel syndrome.
You know, Brighton wanted
me to sign that note,
but at the time he was just
looking to save his butt.
Of course, now that I'm looking to save mine,
Lots of bounce.
I'm giving you carte blanche, all right?
Oh, that's just an old bubbameister.
/ Bubbameister?
A bubbameister.
It's like an old wives tale.
Honestly, Niles,
it's the nineties for god sakes.
Who believes in the evil eye anyway?
Oy.
You're up early.
/I couldn't sleep.
Hm-hmm.
I have indigestion.
It has nothing
to do with a guilty conscience
if that's what you're implying.
Crepes.
/Back-off, Niles.
I said I would punish the kid.
What else do you want?
Dare I suggest syrup?
Oh, what's with the third degree?
I tried to tell him,
the man doesn't listen.
Everything I say goes in one ear
and out the other.
Good morning, Miss Fine.
I've been thinking about what you said.
What? What did I say?
/About spending more time with the children.
Yes, see? I've already started.
Children, we are going to the carnival.
All of us?
/ Hm-hmm.
The whole family.
We're gonna go on the rides.
We're going to eat cotton candy.
It'll be like being
a child again.
And it'll give me a chance to talk
to Brighton's headmaster.
See what he's been up to.
/ Whoops.
These things can get so sticky.
Uh, you know, I kind of soured
on that whole carnival thing.
It's so cold and windy.
It's in the gymnasium.
/ Hot and stuffy.
Miss Fine, I've just rearranged
my entire schedule,
and now you're telling
me you don't want to go.
Well, I'm not god.
I don't make the weather.
But you insisted.
I wasn't feeling
a hundred percent that day.
I think I was ovulating.
Your eggs, sir?
Well, you may stay at home,
but we are going.
Do something.
Okay, I'll do what I should
have done in the first place.
Here, here.
Here.
Mister Sheffield, I think
there's something you should know.
Brighton?
We don't care that you're on parole.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
Fine.
I'll tell him.
Mister Sheffield,
when we go to the carnival,
the headmaster may mention something
about Brighton smoking.
But he's quit.
And he's sorry.
And there's really nothing
for you to worry about.
Niles, these crepes are divine.
And so light.
/ My mother makes
a blintz that could double for a mattress.
Girls, you may be excused.
Not you, Miss Fine.
Smoking, Brighton?
I, I can't believe this.
What, what on earth
possessed you to do this?
Are you through here?
It's beginning to look that way.
Well, I'm waiting, young man.
What have you got to say for yourself.
I didn't inhale.
That is the most pathetically
lame excuse I have ever heard.
Go to your room.
Not you, Miss Fine.
Well, Mister Sheffield,
I think there's something you should know.
Well, I'll say.
Why wasn't I told about this?
Well, I tried to tell you.
You told me to take care of it.
I didn't know what the problem was.
/ Because you wouldn't listen.
Because you didn't tell me
it was anything like this!
Oh, well, it's pointless
to continue this discussion.
You had chocolate cake yesterday.
What's that bloody well
got to do with anything?
Low blood sugar.
You're completely irrational.
I'm irrational? Me?
/ Yes.
You're the one twisting everything around.
/Oh, so now I'm twisting?
You are the most exasperating,
infuriating
I think I just had
a small stroke.
Does that mean we're not
going to the carnival?
Miss Fine!
Well, it's very easy
for you to find fault.
You're off all day with
your glamorous theater people.
I'm stuck at home working
like a dog raising the kids.
You're the nanny!
It's your job!
Well, you're the father.
It's your job, too,
Mister Sheffield, sir.
Oh, just go to your room.
Yes, you!
Can you believe
he sent me to my room?
He is so adorable sometimes.
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
I'm in love!
/ No, no, no.
No, wrong.
Totally wrong.
Make a note.
Fire the casting director.
Maxwell, you're being
an absolute beast today.
I love it.
It's just that, that I know exactly
what I'm looking for.
I need a Broadway star
with huge stage presence
who's instantly recognizable
to the entire country.
Oh my god
Hello
/ Next!
He's tough.
/ You're telling me.
Break a leg, honey.
His.
I love her.
Your song, please?
Um, oh, I get to sing, too?
All right.
"People" in E flat.
Hit it.
/ Miss Fine!
Well, I can dream, can't I?
Take a break.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's take a break.
Miss Fine, we were
in the middle of something.
Yes, I know.
That's why I'm here.
You know, you shouldn't leave
the house with things unresolved.
That's why men die young.
That's not why.
It's because they want to.
The wife?
/The nanny.
Look, we both know that you walked out
on me because you were losing the argument.
I wasn't losing anything.
Trust me.
When you induce
a stroke on your opponent,
it's a sure win.
I think you're winning again.
But it wasn't a fair fight.
You didn't have all the facts.
I don't think
I can take anymore.
Brighton got the idea to smoke
from a story that he might have,
maybe, sort of heard from me.
/From you?
Kinda.
/Well what did you tell him?
Well, he said that he was bad and
so I told him about a kid that was worse.
Who knew he'd take it
as a challenge.
That's my boy.
Always striving
to reach new depths.
Oh, I'm the worst nanny
in the world.
All right, Rebecca
De Morney, then me.
Oh, I could just cut my tongue out.
So if you wanna fire me, do it now.
No, I'm not gonna fire you.
Although that offer to cut out
your tongue might have some merit.
Why, if you told Brighton
to jump off London Bridge
God, I'm beginning to sound
just like my
I know.
Don't you hate
when that happens?
I still can't believe that
son of yours didn't turn me in.
Yeah.
Why do you suppose that is?
Who knows? He's probably got some
hideous torture planned for me later.
No, I think perhaps.
I mean, could it be?
What? /He likes you?
Well, stranger things
have happened.
Well, you're the first nanny Brightons'
made any kind of connection with.
His mother was the only
one that could handle him.
They had a special kind of relationship.
He feared her.
Fear.
That's the key.
Now we have to figure out a way
to scare him bad enough that
he never smokes again.
I sent him to his room.
Oh, please.
With a wide screen T.
V.
and a fully stocked mini-fridge? Punish me.
So, what do you suggest?
Something much more cruel
and unusual.
We are going to have to consult
the high priestess of punishment.
Hello, Ma?
Grandma Yetta?
Yeah?
It's Frannie.
Who?
Frannie, your granddaughter.
Oh, Frannie.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
That's the one good thing about senility.
You're always meeting new people.
How you doin', Angel?
Thank God I still got my health.
Maybe you two could go out
and have a smoke later?
Morty! Morty, you never
looked so good.
Did you get hair plugs?
Oh no, Grandma,
that's not daddy.
So who the hell are you?
Oh, Maxwell Sheffield.
We brought you some babka.
Cake.
Put it away.
Save it for my room.
If they see
babka, they'll all want.
Grandma, I want you
to meet somebody.
Oh, I haven't seen you
since you were this big.
No, Yetta, you never
met him before.
Oh.
Oy, Yetta, you sound like
you're making espresso over there.
All right, all right,
I get the point.
Oh no, you don't, buddy.
We're just getting started.
Why don't you go
visit with Yetta?
Over there? / Yeah.
Where the air is nice and fresh.
Come here.
Let me
have a look at that face.
He's ready to quit smoking.
Smoking? Ech.
You smoke.
/Me it doesn't
effect.
I'm like a horse.
But you, you know
what could happen?
We'll go meet Ethel.
Phlegm in a hairnet.
Oh please, not Ethel.
Not Ethel.
I swear.
I'll never touch another
cigarette again.
Oh God
So what do you say,
we go grab a cup of coffee
and break open the babka? Hmm?
Babka? Babka?
/ Babka? Babka?
沒有留言:
張貼留言